


Leaf Me Alone

by MistWrites (MistbornHero)



Series: Heroes vs Life [4]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Spider Jokes, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Field Trip, Fluff, Gen, Karen tries, Peter's bad luck, Pointless, Team Red, Wade Wilson is a Good Friend, just a tiny bit, mentioned - Matt Murdock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23507860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistbornHero/pseuds/MistWrites
Summary: Peter'sField Trip Luckfollows him everywhere.
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson
Series: Heroes vs Life [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1311827
Comments: 8
Kudos: 352





	Leaf Me Alone

**Author's Note:**

> So I know a jungle/forest field trip is pretty unrealistic for NYC, but I lived in Venezuela for a bit and we had one and it's a normal thing for my brain, just roll with it, this be crack.
> 
> Alternative titles: "Root of the Problem" | "Putting Down Roots" | "Barking Up the Wrong Tree" | "Peter Barker" | "Trees a Crowd" | "WOodn't You Like to Know" | "I Need to Branch Out"  
> Thanks to [Penndragon27](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penndragon27/) for the suggestions.
> 
> Sorry to anyone who knows who Plantman is, I just found him on a list of spidey villains and then ignored most of his wikia page.

“Everything okay, Pete?” Tony asked.

Peter was fine, he just was never going to go on a field trip again.

He had gotten the spider bite during the one to Oscorp and from then, field trips had lost all their relaxing atmosphere. The whole thing with Thanos had started before he even got off the bus for a field trip. Everything had gone wrong when he had gone to the Stark Tower with none of his classmates believing he really had his internship, but that he had somehow made Tony Stark lie for him. The one time the history class had toured the city to see the different types of architecture a villain had crashed one of their buildings to announce that he was the new villain. Even minor things like outside classes could end in disaster. Now, out here in the jungle, he was stuck in a tree.

He had thought he would be safe in the middle of nowhere.

He had been wrong.

Some guy dressed in all green had appeared and started shooting a ray gun at the plants and yelling at them to talk to him. Which was fine. His class was from New York and they were used to things like that. The problem started when the guy had turned the ray gun on one of them and told them not to laugh, that plants could be smart enough to talk, humans just could not communicate with them.

Peter had snuck away and put on his suit in the practiced motion of someone who had had to do it too many times and when none of his classmates had been looking, webbed the guy away. He was just going to ask him to take his ray gun elsewhere, or maybe just leave his classmates alone. The kind of thing he would rather have his suit on for when confronting someone who had a ray gun with unknown abilities. Instead the guy had switched a dial on his gun, blasted at him, and ran away yelling that he would not be stopped.

The blast had launched Peter into the sky and with nowhere to fall and little practice at swinging around trees his web had made him crash into a tree, getting stuck in the branches.

To make things worse, Karen had categorized his new situation as dangerous and having no backup at hand the AI had immediately called Tony.

“Everything is fine,” Peter said, forced cheer in his voice. “This was an accidental call.”

“Karen says you were in danger?” Tony prompted, reading it off the screen.

Peter tried to shrug, the branches holding him in dug into his flesh. “Karen came to the jungle to have fun and is feeling very attacked right now,” he deadpanned. When stressed, use memes. Even outdated ones.

“Guess I should look into that,” Tony hummed. “I’ll leave you to the trip. Take many pictures. Don’t fall off a tree,” he winked and the call shut off.

Peter would very much like to _fall_ off this tree, if the world was currently taking suggestions.

“Karen!” Peter would glare at the AI if he could. “We don’t bug Mr.Stark with these things.” He stretched out his arms experimentally. It seemed his web had tangled around the branches when he had landed and it now held him tightly.

“You had the web settings set to manual,” Karen informed him in the calm tone she was programmed to use. “You accidentally set it at a stronger formula.” 

Damn it.

It was the field trip curse.

Never again.

Not even to the moon. He had been to space already, he didn’t need to go again.

“Can you dissolve it?” he asked, already knowing the answer. Neither wrist was in the right range for the disperser. The tiny spiderbot from his insignia was stuck between his chest and the trunk of the tree.

“No, Peter. Would you like me to call someone else?”

Peter looked down, weighing his options. He was too far up for Ned to be able to help him, he loved his friend, but he would not be able to climb this high. He doubted any of his classmates would be able to do that. “No. We can totally wait… two hours? That’s when it weakens enough for my strength, right?”

“Yes.”

“Set a timer.”

Peter could wait two hours. He waited all night inside that room in Washington, and then he had been under more pressure. He could try that meditating thing Matt had been telling him to do. He’d be so impressed when he told him that he had meditated for that long. He closed his eyes and cleared his mind.

…

“That wasn’t one minute? I’d swear it lasted way longer Karen.”

…

“Okay, let’s try that again.”

…

This was much worse than that time in the safe. At least he could _move_ there. Here he was completely stuck.

“I didn’t know spiders got stuck in trees,” a very cheerful voice jerked him out of his renewed attempt. He opened his eyes to see Deadpool perched on the tree closest to his. 

“Shut up, Wade,” Peter glared, trying to channel as much as he could of Daredevil’s usual tone.

Deadpool hummed. “I don’t think I will. Don’t most spiders live on trees?”

Peter was about to ask him to help him get down when a more important issue came to mind. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Heard through the grapevine that there was a giant spider sighted here. Came to check it out in case they were related to you. Or the spider from Harry Potter. Or Lord of the Rings. Hey, since we’re all fictional, do you think you could be related to-”

“Did any of my classmates see me?” Peter cut in trying to keep any panic at bay. He didn’t think any of them were coming this way. They had been told not to. But when did high schoolers listen to rules? Or adults? No one listened to rules, much less during field trips.

Deadpool put a finger on his lips and frowned deeply enough for his mask to crease. “Don’t think so. But that guy was running around yelling about seeing Spider-Man, so I made sure some of them saw me. Similar costumes, wouldn’t be too weird to be confused.” He leaned back on his branch, going too far and falling over in a flash of red. Peter winced as his friend tumbled halfway down his tree before catching himself.

“You okay?” he called.

“Sure, Spidey. Lucky us we didn’t get stuck like you.” He started to climb back up. “Would have had to call Red to get us both down. After telling him I had this whole thing handled-”

“Had what handled?” Peter asked suspiciously.

“Your terrible field trip luck,” Deadpool declared as he pulled himself back to his previous branch. “Don’t betray me like that again,” he whispered to it before turning to Peter. “You know how you told us everything goes to hell? We figured we should be on high alert in case anything was going down?”

That was… very thoughtful of his team mates. Sweet, even.

“I also really wanted to check out this place. Think you make the most interesting sight-” something to the side seemed to catch his attention. “Look there’s spiders on this level. Awwe, maybe they came to keep you company.”

“Wade,” Peter interrupted again before the merc could try to hand him the spider. Something he had taken to doing any time they found one in patrol. “Will you please help me get out of these?” He wiggled his shoulders, arms stuck at his sides. 

Deadpool swung to the branch Peter stuck himself to. “Of course. Dissolving thing on your belt?” he asked.

“Just separate the web-shooters,” he told him, and Karen. Karen did as suggested, setting it to shoot the solvent and releasing the mechanism that put it safely around his wrist. Deadpool pulled the piece off and put it around his own wrist, then shot at whatever webs he could see.

Peter’s spidersense lit up as his only support disappeared and he quickly used his hand to stick himself to the tree. Feeling much better now that he was in control of how much he stuck to stuff. “Thank you.”

They climbed down together. Deadpool telling him about the pretty butterfly he had been following before Plantman had interrupted his fun. He really had been hanging around his trip waiting in case something went bad. Peter felt warmth spread through his chest at the gesture.

“Do you really think Matt would have come?” he interrupted when they reached the ground.

Deadpool paused talking, giving his brain time to switch tracks. “I think he’d try to fight a tree,” he said after a moment. “Guy needs to get out of Hell’s Kitchen more, though.”

Peter snickered at the image of Daredevil confronting the tree. “I didn’t think anyone else had noticed the field trip thing.”

“It’s our job to track villain patterns, Spidey,” Wade said in an oddly serious tone. “Even if it’s linked solely to your bad luck,” he added. “Go change back. We can pretend I rescued poor Petey so no one asks where you were.”

Peter grinned. “No way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who is not dead?
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://mistbornhero.tumblr.com) fow whatever it is you stalk people at the way to the hellsite for.
> 
> Would you consider adding a [Transformative Work Statement](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Blanket_Statement) or your contact info to your AO3 profile?


End file.
